How to recover from a breakup

 How to recover from a breakup

Each of us experienced parting and the emotions associated with it: sadness, longing for a loved one, pain from a breakup, sadness because of unfulfilled hopes. At different stages after the breakup, a person experiences denial, fears, loss of a comfort zone, guilt and a desire to play everything back. This bouquet of negative emotions is familiar to everyone. Parting is a stressful event for everyone, and if you don't put an end to yourself, your old relationship can drag you into the past for years. You will find a million reasons to think that everything can be fixed. But in reality, all the conversations, thoughts and feelings about the girl only drive you deeper into an addicted state. You can get stuck in this trap if you don't accept the breakup situation and start working with your experiences. Only by saying to myself - “everyone has arrived, this relationship is over”, it will gradually become easier. This will be the starting point for a new life.

The first improvement occurs in 2 weeks from the moment of accepting the very fact of parting. Therefore, it is important to set up "border pillars" after which the idea of ​​return must be abandoned. Conventionally, we plan for ourselves three attempts at reconciliation or three months for a return, and if nothing happened during this time - that's it, then plan your life without the former. However, behind the overcome experiences are often also objective difficulties that you face after the breakup. It is they who do not allow you to quickly recover and move on, and concentration on these problems increases the severity of parting. And we will talk about them in more detail:

1. Obsessive thoughts. Constant scrolling of thoughts about the ex, incessant dialogues in the head - a serious thing and even has its own scientific name - "rumination" or "mental gum". This is dangerous because it increases the severity of parting, fixes your life on one topic and can lead to depression. As long as you constantly think about her and that everything can be returned, you will drag the burden of past relationships with you. Thoughts that everything is not lost can mobilize for a while. But these are dangerous illusions. Because you can wind yourself up to depression or heart attack, thinking about what should have been done and what can be corrected.

What to do A good way to deal with bad thoughts is to take advantage of any opportunities that improve your mood and well-being. You can chat with friends and family, go to work or sports. An important condition is switching. Tasks should require maximum concentration and attention, because routine work or monotonous running, on the contrary, contributes to the appearance of oppressive thoughts. No one canceled meetings with friends whom you can whine - speak up, drink in moderation (but only in moderation, otherwise it is easy to become an alcoholic). And it's important to drive away thoughts of how beautiful your ex is. It is better to get rid of all her belongings or even move if you lived together - this will not give any unnecessary reasons to return mentally to her.

2. Confusion and emptiness. Many do not understand how to live alone and without relationships. Those who form a couple early on suffer the most from the feeling of emptiness after parting. It's wild for them to be alone and out of relationships. I do not take the option where men marry for a free slave. Yes, even there, for the first time, while the life is not adjusted, it is rather difficult for a man to adapt to the status of a bachelor. If the situation combines longing for the former and even everyday helplessness - parting becomes a double blow. But in fact, you can turn this problem to your advantage.

What to do: Solving everyday issues is a good way to distract yourself, switch, and organize your life. If you are used to the fact that household chores do not concern you, but a girl prepares and cleans - order a housekeeper. Today there are many homework-saving services. Alternatively, learn to cook and clean up on your own. Household chores can be turned into a kind of ritual. Developing new rituals and habits is soothing, creating a sense of security and control over your life. In addition, by adjusting your life on your own, you can create a new comfort zone that will suit you and meet your needs, which also works to accept your new status.

3. Fear of loneliness. It is a mistake to think that only women are afraid of being left alone. Men, after parting, are also afraid that they will not be able to find a new girlfriend and start a family. The fear of being unnecessary - has no sex. The first time after the breakup, guys really think that they will spend the rest of their lives alone. Isolation and loss of skills in flirting and communication with the opposite sex often contribute to this. Globally, growing up in our society is arranged in such a way that at a young age we constantly communicate, create new relationships, and socialize. At the institute, there is always a crowd of people around, parties, acquaintances, a lot of reasons for communication, there are always options for flirting or relationships around. And when we start working, our environment narrows down to colleagues and office neighbors. And the business environment is not conducive to social contacts. And if a man is also married, then most of the old friends are lost, and communication is limited to family and a few colleagues. As a result, social contacts are greatly reduced, and our communication talents are dying out as unnecessary. And when a man finds himself alone in an empty apartment without a wife, he does not know what to do, where to go.

What to do: Knock out a wedge with a wedge - sign up for a pickup training, increase the amount of communication. It is clear that old friends sit with their wives at home, which means we need to look for new circles of communication. Get involved in those activities where you are interested - dancing, performing arts, hiking. But it is advisable, of course, to choose communities where there are women, because there are not enough of them in the auto mechanics club. Remember, the more women there are, the more chances there will be of meeting the right girl.

4. Getting out of the comfort zone. The problem here is not even in everyday life and the usual order of things, but in the fact that the usual emotional order is crumbling. The man is used to spending leisure time with his beloved, planning life for two, he is used to the fact that after work she meets him, that they watch TV shows together, on weekends they go to their parents and to the dacha. Everyone has their own set of family habits that create closeness and comfort. And then all this disappears, and the man simply does not know what to do with himself and where to go. The usual routine is disrupted, and this is an additional factor of stress and longing for an ex.

What to do? Create a new routine for yourself, taking into account the fact that there is no woman nearby. You need to understand what qualities you need to develop in order for you to become comfortable in your current state. Or, if your primary goal is relationships, qualities that will help you meet a new girlfriend. Then write down a development plan based on them. And implement this plan every week. It's best to break your plan down into small tasks and schedule your steps 2-3 weeks in advance. This will give you a sense of calm and stability. In addition, when the plan is implemented and you begin to see results, self-esteem will increase, self-esteem will appear, and the outlook on the situation will change.

Globally, in order to speed up the withdrawal process, it is important to put an end to this relationship and understand how to live on. Therefore, you need to occupy yourself as much as possible, conduct a detailed audit of your goals and make plans for the near future. By the way, the more detailed the development plan is drawn up and the richer your life, the less time you will have to think about your past and past relationships. Good luck!